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<\/p>\nMaitjian and Todd Welke, of Saratoga, are a devoted married couple going hand-in-hand through life and face-to-face at work. \u201cQuite literally,\u201d Maitjian says, laughing. \u201cWe work in the same office and our desks face each other. So it\u2019s pretty important that we get along.\u201d<\/p>\n
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Luckily, they do. Married for 18 years, they divorced themselves from their individual high-powered tech jobs in 2009 and started the San Jose-based CMIT Solutions of Southwest Silicon Valley, an IT service provider for small and midsized businesses.<\/p>\n
And they couldn\u2019t be happier, enamored with each other and with the entrepreneurial lifestyle.<\/p>\n
From left, Todd and Maitjian Welke, owners of CMIT Solutions, at their offices in San Jose, Calif., on Tuesday, Aug. 20, 2013. (LiPo Ching\/Bay Area News Group) ( LiPo Ching ) \u201cA lot of people ask us how we do it, how we can be together so much,\u201d Todd Welke says. \u201cBut when you\u2019re married, you go through a lot of changes in life, buying a house, having kids. I look at going into business as just another one of those things that you can work through together.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n FOR BETTER OR WORSE<\/strong><\/p>\n There are roughly 4 million family-owned businesses in the U.S., with more than 1.4 million of those being run by a husband-and-wife team, according to recent data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. And while one might assume the love\/work combo might be too much of a good thing, many couples find working with a shared professional passion can keep relationships vibrant as well \u2014 if you do it right.<\/p>\n Relationship experts Gene and Julie Gates of the Working Couple Network website have made the national talk-show circuit and written numerous columns on the subject. They describe themselves as a \u201cwell-oiled couple machine\u201d after working together for 17 years as on-air radio personalities \u2014 they had an afternoon show on 101.3-FM in San Francisco in the early 2000s \u2014 and are now in the restaurant business.<\/p>\n \u201cThe No. 1 question we get every day is, \u2018How on earth do you work together without killing each other?\u2019 \u201d Gene Gates says. \u201cSure, there are days we step on each other\u2019s last nerve. But there\u2019s nothing better than working with the love of your life.\u201d<\/p>\n Julie Gates admits that things weren\u2019t so smooth at the beginning \u2014 until they decided to bring work home.<\/p>\n \u201cOne of the crazy things we learned is that we were having arguments in our personal lives all the time back then \u2014 just dumb stuff, like when to leave home for a meeting. But we realized that, at work, we never fought at all, and we really worked great as a team.\u201d<\/p>\n So they decided to apply some of their work skills to their home life. \u201cWe have an annual meeting,\u201d Julie Gates says. \u201cWe sit down every year around New Year\u2019s and actually do goal-setting together.\u201d<\/p>\n Ragu and Gita Bhargava work at their home in Los Altos Hills, Calif., on Wednesday afternoon August 21, 2013. They are among the rare couples that can both live and work together. The Bhargavas own Global Upside and have been married for 27 years. (Karl Mondon\/Bay Area News Group)<\/p>\n It may sound impersonal, Gene Gates adds, \u201cbut at work, people have meetings every week, to maintain focus. And when couples first fall in love, they do that \u2014 they talk a lot about their dreams. Somewhere along the line, that (discussion) stops, but our dreams continue to change. So even at home, you need to ask yourselves things like, do you want to retire by a certain age, have a vacation home? It\u2019s important to be on the same page in every aspect of life.\u201d<\/p>\n SEPARATE AND EQUAL<\/strong><\/p>\n Most successful work\/life couples have found it important to create a division of labor at the office and map out specific tasks. The Gateses even wrote down job descriptions for themselves, for work and home.<\/p>\n \u201cAt an office, you don\u2019t go into your co-worker\u2019s office and start doing his work,\u201d Julie Gates says. \u201cSo even at home, if I\u2019m doing laundry, and he comes in and throws my jeans in with the whites and ruins everything \u2014 that doesn\u2019t work. You need to know who does what.\u201d<\/p>\n Ragu and Gita Bhargava, owners of Global Upside, a Los-Altos-based firm specializing in financing, accounting, and human resources in the U.S. and India, have been married 30 years and agree on the notion of dividing labor.<\/p>\n \u201cHe is the CEO, and I\u2019m very good with details, and I deal with customers in India,\u201d Gita Bhargava says. \u201cBut it\u2019s not about titles, it\u2019s about making it work.\u201d<\/p>\n Debbie and David Shahvar walk through and talk with diners at the Buttercup Grill & Bar restaurant in Walnut Creek, Calif., on Friday, Aug. 23, 2013. The couple has been married for 31 years and owns 5 Buttercup Grill & Bar restaurants in the Bay Area. (Dan Honda\/Bay Area News Group) ( Dan Honda )<\/p>\n The Bhargavas have an interesting perspective because their marriage was arranged by their families. \u201cEven after 30 years, we learn about each other every day anyway, there\u2019s always something new,\u201d Gita Bhargava says. \u201cThere are times when things are very stressful, but you learn how each other will react.<\/p>\n \u201cMy husband is very reserved, and I talk a lot, so he gets to know exactly what\u2019s on my mind,\u201d she says, chuckling. \u201cAnd I know, if something\u2019s stressful and I say something to Ragu and then have to say it twice and I\u2019m not getting an answer, I\u2019ll walk away and give him some time.\u201d<\/p>\n Debbie and David Shahvar were both employed in the restaurant industry when they married 31 years ago. They started the Bay Area\u2019s Buttercup Grill & Bar restaurant chain in 1988. Now all three of their grown children work in the family business, too.<\/p>\n \u201cYou can\u2019t be vague about roles,\u201d Debbie Shahvar says. \u201c(David) runs the business side, and I develop the menu items. We sit down all together, have lunch together.\u201d<\/p>\n Adds David Shahvar: \u201cWe\u2019re all dedicated to the success of the business and the family \u2014 it\u2019s a big part of what binds us together as a couple. Of course, it\u2019s not all rosy. Sometimes she makes me taste her new recipes, and that makes me gain some weight.\u201d<\/p>\n ME AND YOU TIME<\/strong><\/p>\n The Welkes have found it helpful to drive to work in separate cars, not only for some private time but because they often meet with clients in a different place during the day. They also try to have a monthly date night.<\/p>\n \u201cIn many ways, (working together) has strengthened things at home,\u201d Todd Welke says. \u201cWhen we had separate jobs, it was a time-demand thing, and we didn\u2019t have much time together.\u201d<\/p>\n Every couple has to negotiate on the aspect of alone time, Julie Gates says. \u201cEach relationship is different. Some people are like mashed potatoes and can be together constantly and love it. Some, maybe it helps for one to take a walk in the evening. You have to work it out. Not one size fits all.\u201d<\/p>\n To be sure, couples with separate high-powered careers and family responsibilities often end up not seeing each other much at all. Gene Gates says it didn\u2019t use to be that way. \u201cHumans lived in villages, saw everyone all the time, we lived together, hunted and gathered together.<\/p>\n \u201cPart of the problem in society right now is that we\u2019re not together enough,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n Boundaries are needed, however, or work can overwhelm home, the Bhargavas say.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s very easy to get your personal life taken over by the work life,\u201d Ragu Bhargava says. \u201cBefore we all go out for dinner, our children will say, \u2018Mom, Dad. Stop. This is time for dinner, not work discussions, please.\u2019 \u201d<\/p>\n In the same vein, the Shahvars try to keep home life from taking overwork. \u201cLike any couple, we fight, we argue, we shout. But not at work,\u201d David Shahvar says. \u201cWe don\u2019t allow it to carry over.<\/p>\n \u201cWe have this philosophy,\u201d he adds, \u201cthat where there\u2019s love, everything works out.\u201d<\/p>\n Follow Angela Hill at Twitter.com\/giveemhill, or read her Sunday Give \u2018Em Hill column.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/cmitsolutions.com\/sanjose-ca-1019\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/96\/2023\/01\/mercurynews_2.jpg\")
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